| Copyright (C) 2005 Elena Solomon | | | | communication seems to be going one way, then |
| | | | they probably have their own agenda. |
| Compared to the "real world" dating, some | | | | |
| people view online dating as less safe. | | | | 6. Giving away your phone number |
| | | | |
| Nothing can be further from the truth! | | | | When you feel comfortable with the person you |
| | | | have been emailing to, give them your contact |
| The opinion probably persists due to the fact | | | | phone number, preferably your mobile. Do not |
| that in real life we usually meet people who | | | | give away your work number (or your work |
| were introduced to us by someone we know and | | | | email address), ever! After all, you do not |
| trust, or in a transparent situation, such as | | | | want someone to email your boss or phone your |
| at work or school/university. | | | | office, in case the relationship does not |
| | | | work. |
| But because no one introduces you to your | | | | |
| online dates, this does not mean online | | | | 7. Meeting face to face |
| dating is unsafe - quite the opposite! | | | | |
| | | | After you have emailed one another, and |
| In fact, meeting someone online is much safer | | | | talked on the phone a few times, it's time to |
| than meeting someone at your local bar: you | | | | meet face to face. If people are happy to |
| cannot get hurt by sitting in front of your | | | | communicate with you online but don't want to |
| computer. | | | | use the phone or meet you in person, this |
| | | | might be due to the fact that they have |
| All you need to do to make online dating work | | | | misrepresented themselves. Real, honest |
| for you is to exercise some caution. You | | | | people that seek love and partnership don't |
| would not let a stranger into your home and | | | | want never-ending virtual courtship; they |
| your private life, without getting to know | | | | want the real thing. |
| them first, would you? Don't do it online, | | | | |
| either. | | | | Only meet in a public place for the first |
| | | | date, and preferably, set up a time limit for |
| Here are 8 essential steps that will help you | | | | the date. For example, you can say you only |
| make your online dating experience secure and | | | | have half an hour before a business |
| rewarding. | | | | appointment; this will help if the date does |
| | | | not go as you hoped for. A 'coffee date' is a |
| 1. Anonymous Dating | | | | safe bet. If you are a woman, never go to |
| | | | unknown places; instead, suggest your own |
| It's a great advantage that contacts entered | | | | variant of a place for the meeting, where |
| through an online dating site are anonymous, | | | | service personnel knows you, at least |
| so you can maintain your privacy, but there | | | | visually. If a man is decent, he will honor |
| are some drawbacks, too - some people might | | | | your request. |
| not be what they say they are. While there | | | | |
| are not many people like this, they do exist. | | | | Tell someone that you have a date with a |
| Most dating sites don't screen their members. | | | | person you have met online; it can be your |
| You should exercise caution and common sense | | | | mother or a sibling, a person, who will not |
| in your communication with other members. | | | | judge you. If you don't feel like telling |
| | | | anyone, make a note about the person you are |
| 2. Overseas Contacts | | | | meeting and how you got to know him/her, and |
| | | | place it where this information can be found. |
| Be especially careful in communication with | | | | |
| members from other countries than your own. | | | | Have your own transport to get home from the |
| Some people might try to use your limited | | | | place of the meeting; better still, have a |
| knowledge of those countries to take | | | | friend to fetch you. Never allow your date to |
| advantage of you. Please be advised to never | | | | take you home, even if something is wrong |
| wire any finance on request of overseas | | | | with your car. Phone a friend or call a taxi |
| members, whether to help in an emergency or | | | | instead. Make sure you are not followed when |
| travel arrangements. If you intend to meet | | | | leaving the place of the meeting - especially |
| overseas members, remember to consult your | | | | if no one has shown up. |
| immigration authorities first, and choose an | | | | |
| appropriate option. | | | | When you meet your date, don't jump to |
| | | | conclusions straight away. You might |
| 3. Getting to know each other | | | | unintentionally create an image in your mind, |
| | | | which is different from the real person; this |
| Never give your personally identifiable | | | | is not their fault; give them a chance. It's |
| information to anyone you do not know well. | | | | quite common to feel awkward at first; simply |
| Use the website's anonymous messaging system | | | | relax and try not to concentrate on the |
| for the first contacts. Ask many questions | | | | outcome: doesn't matter if they like you or |
| and listen to their answers: | | | | not, you are still enjoying the date. If you |
| | | | need to concentrate on something, concentrate |
| · Do they answer the questions you ask? | | | | on having fun! If this helps, remember that |
| | | | they are also nervous and they can only hope |
| · Does their story seem credible? | | | | you will like them. |
| | | | |
| · Don't they avoid certain questions, such | | | | Smile! Nothing helps to break the ice better |
| as their marital situation, who they live | | | | than friendliness and openness. Talk about |
| with etc? | | | | something that you have shared in your last |
| | | | emails, so that they feel you are indeed the |
| · Aren't they too sweet and seem to agree | | | | same person they have been talking to for a |
| with everything you say? | | | | while. |
| | | | |
| Those are the red flags that should make you | | | | But still, use caution. Have your mobile |
| cautious. | | | | phone with you. Don't leave your drink |
| | | | unattended. If you have to leave the table, |
| 4. Sending photos | | | | order a fresh drink on your return. |
| | | | |
| It is the old truth that the picture is worth | | | | Pay for yourself. If you decided to never |
| a thousand words. Ask the people you are | | | | meet this person again, do not tell them |
| writing to for their photos and send them | | | | about it on the date. Tell about it in an |
| yours. If they never ask for your photos, | | | | email. If the person asks how the date was, |
| this is strange because everyone wants to | | | | tell them: 'Great! I will email you tonight'. |
| know how the person they are dating looks | | | | It's not easy to face rejection, so make it |
| like! Don't send old photos or photos where | | | | as polite and nice, as you can. |
| you don't look like your real self: once you | | | | |
| meet in real life, the picture should match | | | | 8. Advancing your relationship |
| the person behind it, or they will feel | | | | |
| disappointed. But it does not mean you cannot | | | | If you enjoyed the first date, keep seeing |
| send pictures that present you in the best | | | | one another for a while before moving |
| way: send a photo of yourself with a happy | | | | further. Don't progress too fast; you must |
| smile; it's always a winner! When your dates | | | | really get to know the person before deciding |
| look at your photos, they try to figure out | | | | to have a relationship of any kind. If the |
| what type of person you are: if you look | | | | person shares with you a land-line phone |
| grumpy, they will think you are grumpy. If | | | | number, presents a business card etc, those |
| you look happy and easygoing, this, too, is | | | | are good signs: they trust you and want to |
| what they will think of you. If you do not | | | | continue the relationship. It's now up to you |
| have recent photos, ask a friend with a | | | | to decide, whether to accept their invitation |
| digital camera to take some pictures of you. | | | | or not. |
| Choose the best shots only and erase the ones | | | | |
| you don't like. Ask your correspondents how | | | | Most of all - HAVE FUN, because this is what |
| recent the photos are they sent you to avoid | | | | it's all about. Some people will not be what |
| a possible disappointment. | | | | you are looking for, and you cannot be right |
| | | | for everyone. But if you persist, you will be |
| 5. Giving away your email address | | | | doing better and better. It takes loads of |
| | | | rubble to find gold. Remember that each |
| When you feel comfortable with your | | | | encounter is a learning experience that can |
| communication, you can give them your | | | | make you more successful. |
| personal email address. Register a separate | | | | |
| email account for this purpose, and only use | | | | You may be yet another person to find your |
| it for your personal correspondence. If | | | | soul mate through an online dating site - |
| something goes wrong in your relationships, | | | | just like thousands of other people before |
| you can always close down this account and | | | | you! |
| open a new one. Keep asking questions and | | | | |
| discuss different things. If all your | | | | Happy dating! |