| Just two days ago, another 15-year old child | | | | _____________________________________________ |
| was added to the overwhelming statistics of | | | | ________________This well-known story has |
| drunk-driving, related deaths. One minute, | | | | been circulated across the globe. Also known |
| he's full of vitality and attending our local | | | | as "Dead at 17," and "Please God, I'm Only |
| high school, the next his unsuspecting | | | | 17" is a stanching piece that has hailed |
| parents are identifying him in a local | | | | teenagers and parents alike.As a ritual, this |
| morgue. The harsh reality of this brutal | | | | literature is ground into the core of my |
| scenerio is sometimes very difficult to | | | | thought processes. Not too long ago, we were |
| comprehend."Where did I go wrong?" "Didn't I | | | | all faced with enticements of "...let's go to |
| talk enough with my child?" "I thought he | | | | that party...", "...come, on...it's only a |
| knew better..." "I assumed he was just at a | | | | few miles up the road. He's not drunk...he's |
| friend's house..."These, and various other | | | | only had a few beers...." "Sure she can |
| queries, are all similar questions parents | | | | drive...she's done this a million times |
| tend to ask themselves after an incident or | | | | before..." And all too often, teenagers fall |
| accident involving DUI or DWI (Driving Under | | | | to peer pressure because they want to be |
| the Influence, or Driving While | | | | cool, popular or part of the "in-crowd." |
| Intoxicated).According to MADD (Mothers | | | | Sadly, many do become victims of |
| Against Drunk Driving), NHTSA (National | | | | psychological pressure tactics.There is not a |
| Highway Traffic Safety Administration) and | | | | week that goes by that I don't think of "Only |
| the NIAAA (National Institute on Alcohol | | | | 17." Being a mother of two teenage kids, the |
| Abuse and Alcoholism), | | | | thought is a constant in my mind. As a |
| | | | parent, it is imperative that we adamantly |
| | | | involve ourselves in our childrens' lives. |
| | | | I'm not saying that we become overbearing and |
| Parents' drinking behavior and favorable | | | | intrusive, but we must demand intolerance of |
| attitudes about drinking have been positively | | | | drinking and driving. While most teenagers |
| associated with adolescents' initiating and | | | | will experience with alcohol at some point in |
| continued drinking. (NIAAA, 1997) | | | | their growing-up years, we have to learn to |
| | | | expect it. It is not a question of if, it's a |
| Youth who drink before age 15 are four times | | | | matter of when.And like all parents, we don't |
| more likely to develop alcohol dependence | | | | want to accept the fact that our child or |
| than those who begin drinking at age 21. | | | | children would engage in sometimes-lethal |
| (NIAAA, 1997) | | | | behavior. But it can happen to the best of |
| | | | families. Drinking and driving doesn't simply |
| Underage drinkers are responsible for | | | | effect a certain stereotypical group of |
| between 10 and 20 percent of all alcohol | | | | persons - it doesn't have a preference of |
| consumed in the United States. (NAS, 2003) | | | | social, economical, racial, geographical, and |
| | | | sexual lines. No, peer pressure is out there, |
| In 2002, 29 percent of 15 to 20-year-old | | | | and if you're not paying attention and |
| drivers killed in motor vehicle crashes had | | | | interactively pursuing the matter, your child |
| been drinking. Twenty-four percent were | | | | could become a statistic.One of my beliefs is |
| intoxicated. | | | | to continuously talk with my children about |
| | | | drinking. I wasn't born yesterday, so I know |
| Research continues to show that young | | | | that alcohol is waiting at the ready. What do |
| drivers between 15 and 20 years old are more | | | | I do about it? For starters, I have ritually |
| often involved in alcohol-related crashes | | | | engrained the fact that drinking and driving |
| than any other comparable age group. | | | | kills. Period. Since they were old enough to |
| Alcohol-crash involvement rates, share of the | | | | understand the principles of drinking and |
| alcohol-crash problem and alcohol-crash risk | | | | driving, I have made it a point to "be there" |
| all reach their peaks with young drivers, | | | | for my kids. You see, one of the biggest |
| with the peaks for fatal crashes occurring at | | | | problems with teenagers is that if you |
| age 21. (NHTSA, 2001) | | | | isolate them with negative communication, it |
| | | | can virtually destroy any attempt of "keeping |
| Based on the latest mortality data | | | | them safe."A encouraging opening line to your |
| available, motor vehicle crashes are the | | | | teenager might be, "...although I don't |
| leading cause of death for people from 15 to | | | | condone drinking, please call me - no matter |
| 20 years old. (NHTSA, 2003) | | | | where you are, no matter what time it is, |
| | | | whether you're drunk or not, or if you're |
| Of course, statistically speaking, the list | | | | somewhere you weren't supposed to be. I'll |
| could go on and on. All too often, we as | | | | come and pick you up. It's not cool to get |
| parents get caught up in the daily grind of | | | | into a car with someone who's been drinking - |
| work, household chores, and other | | | | ever. I promise not to be angry with you. I'd |
| engagements. Sometimes we forget how to | | | | rather you come home alive than dead."This is |
| prioritize our committments. Ironically | | | | something that I say to my own teenagers - |
| though, it is our teenage children who suffer | | | | every chance I get. And with a season of |
| from our own strategies on making their lives | | | | holidays upon us, it is even more vital that |
| more comfortable.John J. Berrio wrote a | | | | we communicate with our kids. Holiday |
| shocking but enlightening, infamous piece on | | | | statistics show that there is, on average, a |
| teenage vehicular-related death based on a | | | | nearly 50% overall chance of a |
| friend's son:Only 17Agony claws my mind. I am | | | | traffic-related fatality. What unnecassary |
| a statistic. When I first got here I felt | | | | risks are we willing to take? Not only is |
| very much alone. I was overwhelmed by grief, | | | | talking with our children crucial, it is |
| and I expected to find sympathy.I found no | | | | important to stay involved in our childrens' |
| sympathy. I saw only thousands of others | | | | lives. Knowing where your child is - is NOT |
| whose bodies were as badly mangled as mine. I | | | | intrusive. Knowing what your child is doing - |
| was given a number and placed in a category. | | | | is NOT intrusive.Set guidelines for your |
| The category was called "Traffic | | | | teenagers. We can't protect them from |
| Fatalities."The day I died was an ordinary | | | | everything - that's a fact of life. There are |
| school day. How I wish I had taken the bus! | | | | just some things that we can't do as parents |
| But I was too cool for the bus. I remember | | | | - but what we can do is become active |
| how I wheedled the car out of Mom. "Special | | | | participants in their lives. Just as we |
| favor," I pleaded. "All the kids drive." When | | | | support our children at athletic events like |
| the 2:50 p.m. bell rang, I threw my books in | | | | football games, cheerleading sessions, field |
| the locker ... free until tomorrow morning! I | | | | and track, (just to name a few), we can |
| ran to the parking lot, excited at the | | | | support our teenagers from the |
| thought of driving a car and being my own | | | | sidelines...giving them impromptu examples on |
| boss.It doesn't matter how the accident | | | | how to be successful, and how to lead life in |
| happened. I was goofing off -- going too | | | | a fun but responsible manner.Here are some |
| fast, taking crazy chances. But I was | | | | tips at developing open communication lines |
| enjoying my freedom and having fun. The last | | | | with your teenagers:1. Cell phones are |
| thing I remember was passing an old lady who | | | | valuable assets in keeping up with your kids. |
| seemed to be going awfully slow. I heard a | | | | Make sure you allow them to use them if going |
| crash and felt a terrific jolt. Glass and | | | | "out to a friend's house..." or "party." Cell |
| steel flew everywhere. My whole body seemed | | | | phones give kids a sense of responsibility |
| to be turning inside out. I heard myself | | | | and most often, they will use them to phone |
| scream.Suddenly, I awakened. It was very | | | | you if they're caught in a desperate |
| quiet. A police officer was standing over me. | | | | situation.2. Keep negative thoughts to |
| I saw a doctor. My body was mangled. I was | | | | yourself. We may not like the fact that our |
| saturated with blood. Pieces of jagged glass | | | | kids might drink; we might even be boiling |
| were sticking out all over. Strange that I | | | | over with anger - but if they do drink, don't |
| couldn't feel anything. Hey, don't pull that | | | | slam them for it. The next time, they may not |
| sheet over my head. I can't be dead. I'm only | | | | call you.3. Access. If you know that there |
| 17. I've got a date tonight. I'm supposed to | | | | might be a possibility of drinking, talk to |
| have a wonderful life ahead of me. I haven't | | | | your teenagers. Don't assume that |
| lived yet. I can't be dead.Later I was placed | | | | Billy-down-the-street who comes from a "good" |
| in a drawer. My folks came to identify me. | | | | family won't be offering liquor or beer. |
| Why did they have to see me like this? Why | | | | Reiterate your position on drinking in a |
| did I have to look at Mom's eyes when she | | | | positive declaration, but at the same time, |
| faced the most terrible ordeal of her life? | | | | reinforce your availability to them. This |
| Dad suddenly looked very old. He told the man | | | | could be a make-or-break life, preserving |
| in charge, "Yes, he's our son."The funeral | | | | decision on your part.4. Resolve. When we |
| was weird. I saw all my relatives and friends | | | | acknowledge the fact that kids may drink |
| walk toward the casket. They looked at me | | | | alcoholic beverages, we aren't so shocked and |
| with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. Some of | | | | disturbed when it does occur. The number 1 |
| my buddies were crying. A few of the girls | | | | rule for combatting drinking and driving |
| touched my hand and sobbed as they walked | | | | issues is to stay informed, stay alert and |
| by.Please, somebody -- wake me up! Get me out | | | | never assume anything. We were all teenagers |
| of here. I can't bear to see Mom and Dad in | | | | once and we know how quickly events can |
| such pain. My grandparents are so weak from | | | | change for the better or worse. It's up to us |
| grief they can barely walk. My brother and | | | | as parents to instill proper attitudes about |
| sister are like zombies. They move like | | | | drinking and driving so to prevent |
| robots. In a daze. Everybody. No one can | | | | alcohol-related traffic fatalities.In |
| believe this. I can't believe it, | | | | closing, I encourage folks to let their |
| either.Please, don't bury me! I'm not dead! I | | | | children read, "Only 17." It is, by far, the |
| have a lot of living to do! I want to laugh | | | | most impressive piece of literature of our |
| and run again. I want to sing and dance. | | | | time. If you don't know how to talk to your |
| Please don't put me in the ground! I promise | | | | children, seek private counsel so you can. |
| if you give me just one more chance, God, | | | | Our youth is the vital component our |
| I'll be the most careful driver in the whole | | | | existence - they are, afterall our leaders of |
| world. All I want is one more chance. Please, | | | | tomorrow. Invest in them today by being an |
| God, I'm only 17.By John Berrio | | | | integral part of their lives. |